[00:00:00] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Basically, as a physician, I am trained even in the middle of my sleep to, you know, diagnose and go, go, go. So, I was basically like, “Okay, what’s happening to me? A, B, C, D E.” And then I put the pros and cons of continuing. Well, the cons like, like, 2 pages long. The pro was like this. And then most importantly, I looked at my two kids and I’m like, “I almost just died like, like 8 months prior and my second one, and my baby almost died. And here I am busting my butt this way and doing this to myself? How am I showing gratitude?”
[00:00:41] Bumper Intro-Outro: Welcome to Endless Coffee Cup, a regular discussion of marketing news, culture, and media for our complex digital lifestyle. Join Matt Bailey as he engages in conversation to find insights beyond the latest headlines and deeper understanding for those involved in marketing. Grab a cup of coffee, have a seat, and thanks for joining.
[00:01:06] Matt Bailey: Well, hello, dear listeners, and welcome to another edition of the Endless Coffee Cup podcast. And today I’d like to do something a little different because I don’t know about you, but after two years of a pandemic and maybe some of you are going back to the office, but I’ve just noticed that people seem to be on edge and there’s a lot of stress and a lot of tension and especially in the workplace.
And so, I heard Dr. Tomi Mitchell on a podcast, and I immediately said, “I need her on the Endless Coffee Cup.” And we’re going to talk a little bit about mental health, burnout, stress. And Dr. Mitchell, I was so impressed when I heard you, and if you could please introduce yourself to the audience, a little bit about your background and what is it that made you want to focus on burnout?
[00:02:01] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Tomi Mitchell. I am a board-certified family physician and a coach speaker, and soon to be author. Why did I get on this path? Well, like we all been through the past two eventful years, that really tested me and pushed me to new limits. I am a type A personality, as well. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. But I still have fun.
But I went flat out, you know, after having, I had my second pregnancy, then three months later, the pandemic and then all the COVID frontline worker stuff, I hit the point of exhaustion. And I reached the point of apathy, and that is so unlike me, you know, getting on the phone and not be usual happy, “Hey, how’s it going?” you know, laughing, “How’s your friends, how’s your auntie, how’s this?” That was gone.
[00:02:54] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:02:55] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And I felt like hitting my head against the wall. And I’m like, “Okay, I can’t do this no more. I need a break.” So, I took a break and then I started my own journey of healing, which I will be delightful, delighted to share with you and, you know, as we go along this conversation.
So, really, why did I pick this topic? Because I was healing myself. Physician thou art thy healer, I believe. So, I was able to make myself full again and, in some ways, full for the first time, like reveal the authentic self. And that’s really key in finding peace in this craziness. Anyway, I can talk for hours, so you know that, Matt, so go ahead.
[00:03:38] Matt Bailey: That’s, that’s alright. That’s alright. No, you made a point there just with the type A personality of go, go, go, go. You, you know, I, I would put myself in that category. I, my wife jokes with me because I, I’ll, I’ll come to dinner and I’ll say, “You know, I’m almost done with these projects and once I’m done, I’m going to relax.” And she just laughs at me. She’s like, “No, you’re not. You’re just going to take on more projects because when you, when you don’t have anything, you get stir-crazy.” And it, what is it about that type A personality that you just have to be busy all the time?
[00:04:10] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I think we’re hardwired that way. I, I say I was born in a rush. I was born in six minutes. I was impatient. Looking at the microwave, “When is it going to be done?” when clearly, I can tell when it’s going to be done. Oh, it was me. I don’t know what else to say. And then family nurturing kind of encourage that type of, um, personality. I’ll sip some juice. So, yeah, I think nature nurture plays a huge part. And I know there’s some genetic piece…
[00:04:36] Matt Bailey: Yep.
[00:04:37] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …obviously in that version.
[00:04:38] Matt Bailey: I can identify with that. My father was very much a type A go, go, go, go…
[00:04:43] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep.
[00:04:43] Matt Bailey: …and yeah, I, I could see that.
[00:04:45] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Drill Sergeant. And I know he was.
[00:04:49] Matt Bailey: That’s great.
[00:04:49] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep.
[00:04:50] Matt Bailey: Well, let’s just dive in. What are some signs because you do a lot in this track on professional burnout.
[00:04:58] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:04:59] Matt Bailey: And what are some signs that someone might be facing that or, or heading that way?
[00:05:06] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: For sure. So, I, I like to use the analogy of the check engine light. So, what are some signs that your car is telling you or experiences you taking your car through that may suggest that you’re probably going to get an engine light soon. So, that’s like yellow. Okay? Maybe you’ve gone on long, long road trips across country, multiple times. Go figure you might need an oil change or something, right?
[00:05:31] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:05:31] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Or maybe you’re really tired of the car starting to squeak a little bit, but still smooth, you know, those signs and we can apply those to our lives. Maybe we’ve been going on project after project after project after project with no break. Maybe you can’t remember the last time you had a, like a staycation, I’m like, just put your feet up and did nothing, like literally nothing. Maybe your partner is telling you, so, you know, “You don’t spend time with me.”
[00:06:01] Matt Bailey: Right. Right.
[00:06:02] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Right? So, those are signs. Red, when the check engine light comes on, it’s like, we’re in trouble. Like, you’re going to see, your engine is going to seize, like, get going. Your part is like, this is an ultimatum.
[00:06:14] Matt Bailey: Oh wow.
[00:06:14] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Like, you know what I mean?
[00:06:16] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:06:16] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So, that’s kind of the analogies for the differences I like to use. Those car lovers.
[00:06:23] Matt Bailey: Well, it makes sense. I mean, I, I know I’ve had to deal with that in my own life of having those, you know, check engine lights come on.
[00:06:31] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:06:32] Matt Bailey: But what is it that makes us ignore that. That, you know…
[00:06:36] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh, my…
[00:06:36] Matt Bailey: …we see the signs, but we rationalize.
[00:06:39] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I am classic example duty, right?
[00:06:41] Matt Bailey: Oh, ok. Yeah.
[00:06:42] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I am, I am loyal to the fault. Okay? And I was like, you know, my patients depend on it, I need to, and then not only that, responsibility. I was a business owner. I am a business owner, so that’s another category on its own, right? So, and that’s just how you’ve been most or all your life. That’s all you know. You don’t remember stopping. Stopping in your brain might be viewed as failure and it’s not.
[00:07:12] Matt Bailey: Wow. Yeah, I remember making the comment once that yeah, I’ll sleep during Christmas, but because…
[00:07:18] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh…
[00:07:18] Matt Bailey: …you know, and just kind of push in that hop.
[00:07:21] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: My, I, I go a step further. I, it’s kind of more of a listener’s clip. I’ll sleep when I, you know, pass on.
[00:07:28] Matt Bailey: Yep. Yep. I, I didn’t want to say that to my family, but that was, I know exactly what you’re saying. Yeah. I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Yeah, but it, it…
[00:07:37] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep, exactly.
[00:07:38] Matt Bailey: …but it’s part of that rationalization that I think we all make when we know there’s pressure, we know we should take a step back, but there’s that rationalization. I like that you brought in obligations, you know, especially you as a doctor, your obligation is to your patients. You’re trying to make them better, but then you also have a practice. You also have…
[00:07:57] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:07:57] Matt Bailey: …you have a family. And I find the same thing. So, I’m in the marketing world. I have a business, but I also have clients, and those clients are relying on me for things. But, you know, I also find just among other marketers, that there’s an immense amount of pressure. And, and, you know, maybe there’s a similarity in the medical world is there’s constant change.
[00:08:21] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes. Constant change.
[00:08:22] Matt Bailey: Constant change. And then…
[00:08:23] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:08:24] Matt Bailey: …not only are the things changing, I have to know what’s changing and I have to…
[00:08:28] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:08:29] Matt Bailey: …be able to speak about it intelligently to a manager or to a client. And, so I have to adjust, I have to keep up, I have to deliver. It, it’s just, it just keeps going, you know, kind of like that hamster wheel. And there’s no exit ramp.
[00:08:47] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Well, yeah. And you mentioned change. Again, the last two years, the change was amplified. You know, suddenly the set date, everything shut down. Right? But I mean, our lives didn’t shut down as far as bills and responsibilities and kids to feed and mortgages, leases, and trying to pivot in this new world. Right? Things have changed dramatically.
[00:09:09] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Yeah. I mentioned the other night I, I, I feel like we should make this an annual event where everything shuts down around the world for two weeks, because I look back on that and that was probably the most relaxed, because there was nothing to do. No one, no one, clients weren’t calling because they didn’t know what was going to happen.
[00:09:33] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Didn’t expect it, yeah.
[00:09:34] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Nobody knew.
[00:09:35] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It was beautiful.
[00:09:36] Matt Bailey: Yeah. There was, someone posted a picture of, I, I think it was a street in England in one of the towns there. It was just bare and a few people walking around, and, and it was, “Wow. That, if we weren’t so uptight, if, if we weren’t so worried about what’s going to happen,” I, you know, that’s why I said I think we should do this annually, is just press pause for two weeks around the world. Let everyone catch their breath. And boy, what a difference that might make to people.
[00:10:00] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Definitely. I think in some ways, that’s kind of how we have those federal holidays, but let’s face it. Stores are open and we’re busy catching up, you know what I mean? So, but yeah, that would be really nice ’cause I really, really enjoyed the pause. It was so good.
[00:10:23] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:10:23] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And it was inflicted on me, so it wasn’t my fault.
[00:10:27] Matt Bailey: You know, and that’s the thing. As a type A, are we, are we more expecting external things to make us stop and pause?
[00:10:35] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:10:36] Matt Bailey: Because…
[00:10:36] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: We keep going. We need to get permission…
[00:10:38] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:10:39] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …to take care of ourselves. Right? Like we’re five. “Can I go to the bathroom?” Oh, okay.
[00:10:45] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:10:45] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. “You want to go play in the sandbox? Yeah, you should.” Right? Like, seriously. We lose fun.
[00:10:53] Matt Bailey: Why is it so hard for, for us to give ourselves permission?
[00:10:58] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Because sometimes we’re hard on ourself, like judgmental and self-critical. We are often our worst enemies.
[00:11:06] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:11:07] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:11:08] Matt Bailey: Very true. I, I, I, I guess I look at it as, you know, even in my notes here, I’m like, “How much of this is internal? How much is external when we…”
[00:11:17] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:11:17] Matt Bailey: “…face that burnout?”
[00:11:19] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Exactly.
[00:11:19] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:11:19] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:11:20] Matt Bailey: Both, yeah? Wow. Wow. So, what have your, one of your topics was extremely interesting that you had, and it was, “How to Improve Productivity and Resiliency.” And, and then you also had, “In Relationships,” which I thought was, how do you…
[00:11:38] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I do a lot in there.
[00:11:39] Matt Bailey: But what caught my eye was how do you improve productivity without burning out? Because that seems contradictory.
[00:11:47] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It does. It does if you do it the way we’ve been, society has been going for a long time. However, if you start with a foundation of wellness where you have physical wellness, emotional, spiritual finances, financial, occupational, environmental, all the good stuff, and they support each other.
So, maybe your finances might get a hit if you lose your, you know, if you lose hours, but I mean, at least you have a strong family net. You still have a good social net to fall back on, so you can stay strong. And that’s part of the wellness wheel. And when you’re strong, your mind is sharper.
Like, I honestly, I’m the smartest I’ve been, to my recollection, ever. I am the strongest I’ve ever been at this stage even compared to 10 years ago because I prioritize chillaxing, taking a breath, exercising, managing the excess weight, um, pushing myself in the gym. Just having really clear boundaries and then creating a culture of wellness around me. So, that’s the foundation. So, you get to increase capacity. You actually increase the size of your cup, or you just get a big, a bigger one.
[00:13:05] Matt Bailey: Wow. I love that. I love that example. I love that, that visualization that you’re saying there. I, I know when I started my own company, it was so hard at first because I was used to working, you know, 8 to 5.
[00:13:20] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:13:20] Matt Bailey: And I felt like now that it’s my company, now that I’m starting something, if I’m not working 8 to 5, then I’ve got a problem. I should be busy all day long. And I, and, and honestly it turns into 8 to 8. It turns into 8 to 10.
[00:13:37] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh yeah.
[00:13:37] Matt Bailey: You know, because, but there was that mentality that if I work less than an 8-hour day, I’m not productive.
[00:13:45] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: That’s the mistake we made. So, there’s other tools to help improve. Get the best out of the 24 hours because we’re, we all have 24 hours, but how come some people seem to achieve more than others, right? Some part of it is what we just talk about, capacity health, you know, mental health is everything and we’re in a mental health crisis. That’s another story in itself. But also having this, sometimes type A personalities like to hog and do everything themselves. Right? Because they know it will get done. We, I know it will get done.
[00:14:19] Matt Bailey: Right.
[00:14:20] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And I know it will get done well. Right?
[00:14:23] Matt Bailey: Right, right.
[00:14:25] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: But you have to ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing right now a good use of my time?” and then be like, “Okay, who else could do this for me so I can do A, B, C, D, E?” Classic example, obviously I have young kids. I love a clean house, but I’m not going to scrub. I don’t have the time. When I was a kid who lived at home, I was Cinderella. Okay? I cleaned the house.
[00:14:52] Matt Bailey: Oh.
[00:14:53] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: But now, now I hired out as much as possible because I’m better off a resting to fill my cup because we talk about energy input, energy output.
[00:15:06] Matt Bailey: Right.
[00:15:07] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: You got to balance that equation. So, we can’t be taking, taking, taking. So, we have to share. Carry the load. That’s the, that’s part of it. And then tools to increase productivity. There’s so many cool technology software that can help plan, schedule, like the whole social media marketing piece, like, I don’t manually post, like 80% I don’t. I preplan.
[00:15:31] Matt Bailey: Yep.
[00:15:31] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I schedule it. Schedule and forget it. I went into, this year, being as naughty as it has been, I am so thankful I had those employees.
[00:15:42] Matt Bailey: Great. Great. Yeah, I’m, I’m, I’m partially laughing because before I hit record, we’re talking about using freelancers and, but sometimes you just got to do it yourself.
[00:15:53] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah, I, some things you got to do yourself. Oh yeah.
[00:15:57] Matt Bailey: But that’s, that’s great. I, I look back and, and yeah, the, the time when I felt, you know, the most directed, the most productive is when I would take my kids to school in the morning and go right from there to the gym and spend about an hour, hour and a half there, then go back home, eat a larger breakfast and, and, and really kind of take my time.
[00:16:23] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:16:23] Matt Bailey: And, but the mental gymnastics to tell myself, “It’s okay to start work at 10 o’clock.”
[00:16:33] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh, embrace that.
[00:16:34] Matt Bailey: Oh my, oh.
[00:16:35] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It is okay to start work at 10 o’clock.
[00:16:38] Matt Bailey: Yeah. It, it, it, I, I just, I tell people that was the biggest struggle that I had is, is that I can’t let go of that mentality that I, I, I’m wasting the day, I’m wasting the morning. And that, that I, that was the most difficult thing I ever had to overcome, even though I’m productive. I feel great. I feel more in control of things, but something about that clock, I just couldn’t get out of my head.
[00:17:07] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Definitely. Well, just think you’re filling your tank, with…
[00:17:10] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:17:11] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …with the best quality oil.
[00:17:14] Matt Bailey: Absolutely. Absolutely. I, and, and then, you know, you, you kind of go through phases and now I’m back and now I’m getting back into the gym again, after, after all this. So, it’s, it’s, it’s really interesting how it’s so hard just because of events, life events, that adaptive…
[00:17:32] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:17:33] Matt Bailey: You’ve got to change, be, and, and be, I’m so comfortable in that routine, but as soon as the routine changes, it takes so, it, it’s so much effort to get back into something.
[00:17:44] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Definitely. And you mentioned life events which is really good point. So, life has its ebbs and flow, like up and down. But the goal is that the average is stable, right? So, and, and we have to leave reserve for life events, right? ‘Cause that’s how life is. But if we go, go, go, go, go, and we pull that elastic to like this maximum, like, stretch point and you go a little more, it snaps.
[00:18:12] Matt Bailey: I like what you’re saying there. So, if we’re constantly in this state of business, then a life event will absolutely sabotage whatever…
[00:18:25] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Exactly.
[00:18:25] Matt Bailey: …it is we’re working for because we can’t fit anything more. Um…
[00:18:29] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Exactly. And that’s what happened…
[00:18:31] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:18:31] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …to me. I went to that snap point.
[00:18:34] Matt Bailey: Wow. I mean, I, do, you saying that’s part of your story. Would you like to, to share that and, and how that changed?
[00:18:41] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh, well really the, the biggest life events are what I call, well, I always talk about BC, before children and before COVID. Children started it, right? And then with my second one born just at Christmas 2019. Yeah. With two kids and my husband took a job like 8 hours away, so he was gone, so I was basically a single mother. Right?
[00:19:08] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:19:09] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: That, and then the pandemic and then restrictions, then you’re not supposed to see anybody. And then your social network gets pulled away, talking about the wellness wheel, right? And you know, the, the job was threatened. One of my businesses was shut down, non-essential for three months, right?
[00:19:25] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:19:26] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: There’s, the support was gone, pretty much. You know, finances were strange. You know what I mean? The environment, like it was lots of things that were going on, so my, what I built, which was heavy, fell.
[00:19:43] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Wow.
[00:19:45] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I was exhausted. I was done.
[00:19:47] Matt Bailey: Wow. And what does that do…
[00:19:49] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So…
[00:19:49] Matt Bailey: …as far as, what was it that made you, I mean, there’s that collapse, but then there’s that point where you either go full collapse or there’s that awareness of, I mean, it seems like for you, it’s very internal. “I need to change. I need to change something.”
[00:20:00] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:20:06] Matt Bailey: And what is it that makes that…
[00:20:07] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:20:07] Matt Bailey: …internal voice loud enough that you hear rather than…
[00:20:14] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh yeah.
[00:20:14] Matt Bailey: …a complete collapse. You know what I mean? Of sometimes…
[00:20:18] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep, 100%.
[00:20:18] Matt Bailey: …the internal voice is wrong. You know, we’ve dealt with, you know, in, within the family, some depression issues and things. And…
[00:20:26] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:20:26] Matt Bailey: …that’s one thing that I’ve learned is, is sometimes that voice is wrong and it’s telling you the wrong thing. So, I, you know, in your case, it seems like you got the right voice and how did that, so I guess here’s two questions. Number one, how do you know you listen to the right voice?
[00:20:43] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Well, basically, yeah. Basically, as a physician, I am trained even in the middle of my sleep to, you know, diagnose and go, go, go. So, I was basically like, “Okay, what’s happening to me, A, B, C, D, E?” And then I put the pros and cons of continuing. Well, the cons like, like 2 pages long. The pro was like this. And then most importantly, I looked at my two kids and I’m like, “I almost just died like, like 8 months prior and my second one, and my baby almost died. And here I am, busting my butt this way and doing this to myself? How am I showing gratitude to life?” So, really it was my kids, but then COVID. The two together. And then, just like, where, the fact is, I know this has offended people in the past, we are all replaceable, but not to, to jobs, not to our families.
[00:21:39] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:21:42] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So, remember that.
[00:21:48] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:21:49] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So, that, that, and many other things just made me like, “Okay, I’m still, I need a break.” And it was the best decision. Like it was, it was weird being at home. I’m like, “Hmm, I see my children. I’m sleeping in. What? I’m going to go to the, try yoga. I’m going to eat, you know, chia seeds and berries and yogurt,” which I did not do before. Like, it was so weird, but it was so awesome. I loved it.
[00:22:22] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Yeah. That makes a big, big difference.
[00:22:26] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I needed it.
[00:22:27] Matt Bailey: Yeah, it, it’s one of the things that’s come up often on the podcast, the amount of people who know Yoga with Adriene, because I think that was, at the beginning, my wife started this before the pandemic, and then with all the lockdowns, she’s just in a groove. She already, she got her groove on earlier, and then this just helped her and, and oh my goodness. It, it’s completely changed her mental state, it’s changed her outlook, it’s, and, and so, yeah. She’s gotten me into that, as well, and I never thought yoga would, uh, be so appealing and so beneficial, but then it, it’s just, it’s just been amazing to get that physical part under control. And I find then when I come into the office, mentally, I am much more prepared. I’m much more…
[00:23:09] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: 100%.
[00:23:10] Matt Bailey: …calm because physically, that’s been taken care of. That’s, I, it, it, you really, I just can’t explain it. There is something physiological about that, but that sounds…
[00:23:20] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah, definitely, um, definitely yoga. I used to make fun of it, actually.
[00:23:27] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Oh yeah.
[00:23:27] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: When I was like, “Those yoga people.” Like…
[00:23:31] Matt Bailey: Well, and that’s the thing…
[00:23:32] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And then I was hurting myself.
[00:23:34] Matt Bailey: Yeah. I, I, I used to be in wrestling and so, I would make fun of yoga, but then when I started yoga, I’m like, “Wait a minute, half this stuff we did in wrestling.” I was…
[00:23:43] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:23:44] Matt Bailey: I can’t make fun of it anymore.
[00:23:46] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. I know, man, I have mad respect. Mad respect.
[00:23:53] Matt Bailey: Well, let’s, I, I want to bring this around and, and, so, we’re talking about some of these things and, and one of the things that I, you know, in marketing and, and you had, had mentioned a little bit about this, as well, social media, and now, through the pandemic I’ve seen where there’s been both positives and negatives.
But for someone who is under pressure, a type A or, or even any kind of, I, I see it across the board, how does, what’s the role that social media plays in pressure, in burnout, and in stress?
[00:24:30] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Definitely. So, there’s a double-edged sword. So, there’s good, the bad, the ugly, right? Social media, sadly if you don’t use it correctly, it can actually increase anxiety and depression, especially in young teenage girls. There was a study with Instagram, right?
But it’s, any, anything can be good, and anything can be, like, it’s just, it is what it is. It’s like a car. It’s good, but if you drive at 200 miles an hour on a slippery road, then it’s suddenly bad. It’s not a bad car. It was how it was used. I found social media to be very beneficial because you can always control what you watch, right? There’s a selfless, you can unfollow things that just don’t fit who you are and who you want to be. So, it’s a choice. And then you can also set limits on it, too. You don’t have to, um…
[00:25:23] Matt Bailey: How much, yeah…
[00:25:23] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …pardon me?
[00:25:25] Matt Bailey: Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.
[00:25:27] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: No, I was just saying, and set limits. Like, if you know that you tend to spend hours and hours, I think in some phones you can actually pre-program it, or you can set a timer, or you can put your phone down, but probably not like on call or something. Put your phone down and leave it and walk away from it.
Because many of us, it’s like in our hands constantly or in a pocket and we’re just mindfully just, “Oh, let’s just check this. Let’s check this.” Before you know, it’s like, “Oh, I haven’t done what I need to do.” So…
[00:26:00] Matt Bailey: Absolutely. I always ask…
[00:26:01] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It’s all, it’s everything, it’s, yeah.
[00:26:03] Matt Bailey: Yeah. I always ask people, have you, you know, if you’ve got an iPhone, you get the Screen Time Report and how many people have actually looked at that and compare your usage from one week to the next week and, and what’s happening.
And yeah, I, I was doing really, really well. I, I will say recently I was doing really well staying off the phone, and, and then all of a sudden this, this, this war with Ukraine started and now I’m seeing memes pop up where it’s, “Wake up, make sure Zelensky is still alive, go get coffee.” And I feel like that, now, is my social media.
[00:26:35] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:26:35] Matt Bailey: It’s, it’s now I’m ramping right back up.
[00:26:37] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Right.
[00:26:38] Matt Bailey: But I, I find it interesting now that I’m getting more up to date, accurate news from social media sources than traditional news. And I…
[00:26:51] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Because most people…
[00:26:53] Matt Bailey: …go ahead.
[00:26:53] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …are putting it out there on social media.
[00:26:55] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:26:55] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Most people are.
[00:26:56] Matt Bailey: Yeah, it, it, it, it’s, it’s, it’s amazing to me how much this has changed communication and awareness, and, and you can also see where it, it’s, there’s good and there’s bad, but also it’s, it’s getting back into I think early in the pandemic, there was the, they called it “doom scrolling” where it’s just bad news, bad news, bad news. And you just keep scrolling…
[00:27:21] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:27:21] Matt Bailey: …through it, scrolling through it. Unfortunately, we’re kind of getting back into that now with all this that’s going on. I, I, I think people are just…
[00:27:29] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:27:29] Matt Bailey: …clamoring for any good news that there might be.
[00:27:35] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. So, you know what? There is good news. There’s even like Insta pages where the, the whole thing is good news. You know, and I don’t know, have, look at puppies, look at people helping people. They’re there. I don’t remember the page I, I have on my profile, but I mean, it’s like, “Oh, that put a smile on my face,” or it’s like happy tears. Sometimes it’s so sweet I’m like, “I’m crying,” you know? So, you can recreate your environment. That’s the thing. You, you do, we do have a lot of control, especially where we are, here. We’re not in the middle of a war-torn country.
[00:28:11] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:28:12] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So, we have options, which I’m forever grateful for.
[00:28:17] Matt Bailey: You make a good point about, we have control. We have control over what we see. We have control, we can curate, but yet…
[00:28:25] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:28:25] Matt Bailey: …and, and even in the industry, I am amazed at how many people do not take advantage of that. That…
[00:28:33] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I know.
[00:28:33] Matt Bailey: …they get the default. They, you, you know, they take the pre-curated content and just take it all in, rather than proactively, “I’m going to use this as a tool and I’m going to accomplish something.” That there, there is a definite mindset there that you’re describing where number one, I would say there’s an awareness of…
[00:28:57] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:28:57] Matt Bailey: “…This could be bad, it could be good. It’s going to be based on my behavior and how I control that.”
[00:29:04] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:29:04] Matt Bailey: What, I, I guess there’s that beginning there of avoiding burnout, but how do we get people to that? And, and, and from this, I’m, I’m going to say, you know, you’re a parent. You, you also, you’re a family, you are a family practice. How do you get people to that point, to they realize, “You have to control this?”
[00:29:24] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. So, at the end of the day, you’re responsible for you. And you have autonomy over certain choices, so take, we have to take ownership. It’s, it’s either, I’m going to be, use a generalized statement. Often society likes to put the blame on somebody else, like, “This is why my life sucks,” or, “This is this.” Yes. What they’re doing can contribute to it. What, whether it’s political, whatever, whatever, whatever. Right. I understand. But we still have personal choice. So, we have to take ownership of the good, the bad, and ugly. Right? It’s like a coach. The coach gets railed on when the team loses, right?
[00:30:00] Matt Bailey: Yes.
[00:30:08] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It’s all, it’s the coach. But when it’s a win, it’s like the quarterback, it’s like this, it’s the that. I’m like, “Eh, the coach.” You see? Right?
[00:30:15] Matt Bailey: Right. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
[00:30:19] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep.
[00:30:21] Matt Bailey: Good point.
[00:30:21] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Come on, take it for the team.
[00:30:23] Matt Bailey: Good point.
[00:30:24] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And, do you know what? Sometimes in some situations, despite best efforts, you may have to pivot or there’s, change jobs. I’ve done that. Like recently I, like all my practice and it was 10,000 people. I gave an announcement. I was like, “You know what? I’m done.”
[00:30:43] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:30:44] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. And it was freeing. It was hard, but I’ve, you know, been doing that pros and cons list for years. Right? Okay. What do I want in my life to do? What would type of talk me or prevent me from this? Duh, duh, duh. And that giant load was preventing me from growing other things and being the person, the individual, and the mom I wanted to be. Sometimes you got to make hard choices.
[00:31:18] Matt Bailey: Well, tell you what. I’ve got a question. We’re going to come right back to it after the break.
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[00:33:11] Matt Bailey: Alright, dear listener, thanks for hanging through the break here. And I just had another, you know, as we’re going through here, I hope you are taking notes and really trying to apply some of this. Tomi, you just talked about, uh, you know, you, you had a practice that you shut down because you realized, and, and I thought it was interesting that the reasons you gave for shutting down the practice were not business reasons.
That these were personal. These were, “I, I’m not the type of mother I want to be to my children. It’s not what I want to do to myself,’ and I, I, I’m having flashbacks, actually, to, you know, I had an agency, we were growing, we were successful, and I, as the owner, was sitting and just realizing, “I am doing too much. I am here, there, I’m growing two businesses.” And the, the number one reason where I sold off the agency is my kids. It was my kids, my wife. It was, “I’m not spending the time with them I should.” And, and you made a point that, you know, we’re replaceable. And the one thought that was in my head that I’ll never forget was, “I am only responsible for 5 people on this earth.”
[00:34:29] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:34:30] Matt Bailey: “And yet, I am focusing 99.9% of my time in these areas where,” like you said, “I’m replaceable. But to these people I’m not.” And I’m, and, and like you, it was not a business decision that made me pivot away from this, to say that I’ve had enough. It was a, it was a relationship. It was family. It was my kids. That was the biggest reason I did. Wow.
[00:34:56] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And health, too. Like, through health on there, too.
[00:34:58] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:34:58] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Because as I said in my letter, I need time to heal and to, you know, you know, keep on going and just recharge. Like I, yeah. Going flat out…
[00:35:08] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:35:09] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …for a long time, over a decade is busy.
[00:35:12] Matt Bailey: It is, it is. And, and that led to, yeah, what I, what I would, could say that probably the healthiest mentally, physically, spiritually, because, you know, like I said, I’m rolling into work at 10 o’clock now, because…
[00:35:25] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I, I hear you.
[00:35:25] Matt Bailey: Thank you.
[00:35:26] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I don’t know how I did those 6 o’clock starts. Like, what was…
[00:35:30] Matt Bailey: Yes.
[00:35:30] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …I thinking?
[00:35:31] Matt Bailey: Yes. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I, I…
[00:35:34] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I booked.
[00:35:34] Matt Bailey: Yeah, there’s a, there’s so much you can take of that, and I think right now, the, the number one thing for me, sort of that warning light that you had talked about is when’s the last time I read a book? Because it used to be, I would read about a book a week, and if it’s been more than a month or two that I have picked up a book, then I know that’s a warning sign. That is something I need to take time to do.
[00:36:03] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Definitely. And I, that happened to me. I remember, this was probably 5 years, and I was like, “When last have I sat on my deck and read a book?” And I realized before I got into medical school, and I used to read like 3 to 4 a week.
[00:36:19] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Wow.
[00:36:20] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I’m like, “I, like when last have I enjoyed a summer?” I’m like, “Oh, nope.”
[00:36:30] Matt Bailey: Yep. That, that’s a good question. The last time I enjoyed a summer. That, I made that comment a while ago. Yeah. Like, “This summer, I’m going to, I’m going to do this,” but yeah. I mean, I, and plus, you, you know, you came out of medical school, right? And, and medical school right into a practice. I mean, medical school itself is not known…
[00:36:53] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It’s, it’s rough.
[00:36:54] Matt Bailey: It’s not known as being an easy ride, that’s for sure. No.
[00:36:57] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: No.
[00:36:58] Matt Bailey: Yeah. So, you, you’ve been going, going, going, you, you know…
[00:37:02] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep.
[00:37:03] Matt Bailey: Well, education wise…
[00:37:05] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Since age 4.
[00:37:07] Matt Bailey: Wow. Wow.
[00:37:07] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I started school in England, and you start school at 4.
[00:37:11] Matt Bailey: Oh my goodness.
[00:37:12] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I did school in the summer, as well. I did extra work.
[00:37:15] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:37:16] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I mean, I had drill sergeant parents.
[00:37:19] Matt Bailey: Amazing. Amazing. And then, yeah, I could just see it. I mean, just going right through, right through school and right into practice because, and, and, and I’m sure we justify that with, because that’s what we’re expected to do. That’s what happens. Wow. Let me ask, I, I, I want to shift a little bit. As an employer, how can I recognize or read my workplace and, and, and…
[00:37:49] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:37:49] Matt Bailey: …recognize when I might have employees that are ready to hit the wall and maybe…
[00:37:55] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:37:55] Matt Bailey: …they’re not admitting it or aware of it? How…
[00:37:57] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep.
[00:37:58] Matt Bailey: …as an employer, can I, can I assess what’s going on and, and, and, and maybe step in and help?
[00:38:05] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah, that’s a really good question. We’ve all heard about the great resignation, like 41 million Americans, like, to, “I quit.”
[00:38:12] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:38:12] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: In a very short amount of time. So, red flags, orange flags, absenteeism, if they’re sick, but again, if they’re working from home, you might not know if they’re sick.
[00:38:23] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:38:26] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So, they can spend their sick time, sadly, for the person who’s paying, right? Decreased quality of work, just disengagement. Asking them, here’s a question, is something. Make it part of the culture, like, ask your employees. Make wellness part the culture, because there’s a term called “psychological safety” where it’s where an individual feels comfortable, safe, asking questions without fear of reprisal, backlash, all those things. Right? So, that culture needs to be created.
[00:39:01] Matt Bailey: Yes.
[00:39:01] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And we know some certain industries it’s not there.
[00:39:03] Matt Bailey: Right.
[00:39:04] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It’s a doggy proggy world, but we need to change that. So, it starts with the leader, see it’s, you know, be like, “Okay, let’s talk about something self-care,” or, “How can I help you?” or just, “I need you to take the day off,” right?
[00:39:23] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Yeah. That culture thing is huge. We’ve, I, I’ve talked about that numerous times on the podcast and especially the, the freedom to ask questions. I’ve talked about it a couple of times that I do a lot of online training and I can tell very quickly which companies have an open culture of questioning, and which companies people are afraid to ask questions.
[00:39:50] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Exactly.
[00:40:00] Matt Bailey: Very quickly I could figure that out. And you can try and create a culture, but realize you already have one to start and you’ve got to ask as an employer or a manager, “What is our culture?” and, “Do employees feel free to have that?” Because yeah, those are a lot of red flags and, you know, unfortunately I, I think I saw one study that even during work from home, some employees are working 10 hours a day.
[00:40:18] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep.
[00:40:18] Matt Bailey: They’re still going from meeting to meeting to meeting.
[00:40:21] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Lack of boundaries.
[00:40:22] Matt Bailey: Yeah. And, and so…
[00:40:22] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: They fear that they’re going to lose their jobs.
[00:40:24] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Yeah. I think this, this adds another level of, maybe, do you think, I’m just going to interrupt myself? Do you think we’re going to hit a point where work from home could have its own stresses that we’re not…
[00:40:38] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh, we’re already there.
[00:40:39] Matt Bailey: Yeah?
[00:40:40] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. Already there. Um…
[00:40:41] Matt Bailey: How so? What are you seeing?
[00:40:43] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I am seeing that the, we have mental boundaries, we also have physical boundaries. Right? So, if your home life is in the same place as your work life, how do you separate the two? It’s a lot, it’s more challenging.
[00:40:59] Matt Bailey: Right.
[00:40:59] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And then it also adds as a climax in the family, itself. If you live on your own, it’s different, but if there’s other people. Just because mommy closes the door in her office, mommy’s there. So, why can’t you do something? Right? So, or their partner’s there, right?
[00:41:16] Matt Bailey: Yep.
[00:41:16] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Or I’m hungry. Right? So, there’s that. And then the ‘nother piece is the way we carry ourself. How we dress often reflects our mental health, and vice versa. And it’s very easy to slip on a pair, just basically walk in your pajama bottoms and maybe if you have to be on Zoom, then just put a shirt on. Which we’ve all done. Like, come on. I’ve done that. But I mean, we get sloppy, right? So, maintaining that, whether your work is professional, that, retaining that sense of structure is important.
And then also, being completely virtual, you lose out in key interactions with your team. The only so much Microsoft Teams can do or, or Zoom, whatever. You miss the, you know, the water cooler talk. You miss a lot of the, you know, just, you just don’t have that, you know, you can just pop your head into someone’s office and be like, “Hey, I want to throw something by you.”
[00:42:18] Matt Bailey: Right.
[00:42:19] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And in some industries, you miss the opportunities to let your bosses know that you’re there, you’re, you’re available, you’re competent, and you might actually miss out on promotion ’cause they don’t know you.
[00:42:32] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Oh, absolutely.
[00:42:34] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So, it’s like great, I do, some jobs it’s, “Work at home. Great.” But I’m, I’m kind of kneeling on the more hybrid.
[00:42:44] Matt Bailey: Yeah, I, I think that’s a great approach. I, I even am dealing with some companies now…
[00:42:48] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh, sorry.
[00:42:48] Matt Bailey: Oh, good.
[00:42:48] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Can I do just one more thing?
[00:42:49] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:42:50] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And those who are needed the workplace, working from home is not a great place to start.
[00:42:56] Matt Bailey: Right. Oh, absolutely.
[00:42:58] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Right?
[00:42:58] Matt Bailey: Absolutely. There’s so many, I mean, it’s a social zoo, a workplace is. And I, as an employer who has had remote employees, you’re not there. You’re not in the conversation.
[00:43:15] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Exactly.
[00:43:15] Matt Bailey: And I, I made it a point when I had the agency, probably about twice a week I would just pick someone, and I would go to their office and sit and have coffee and talk. And it wouldn’t be about work things. It’d just be about, you know, whatever…
[00:43:30] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Right.
[00:43:30] Matt Bailey: …comes up. Let’s just take some time to talk and get to know each other. And I, I felt like that did a lot just to make people feel more at ease. That it’s not…
[00:43:39] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:43:39] Matt Bailey: …just about productivity. It’s about…
[00:43:41] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:43:42] Matt Bailey: …I, I do care, and I want to know what’s going on.
[00:43:44] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:43:45] Matt Bailey: And without that, I see a lot of companies right now that they want training, but they still want it virtual because they’re not pulling people into the office. And I, I’m trying to convince them that this is a perfect opportunity to bring people together.
[00:44:00] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:44:00] Matt Bailey: I’ll do my training, but then you should do a company event because when people are relying on each other for work to get done, and you, you make a great point. Just putting your head in someone’s office and saying hi, there’s a lot that’s built that we don’t see.
[00:44:20] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Exactly. It’s huge.
[00:44:23] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:44:23] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: And kind of out of sight.
[00:44:26] Matt Bailey: Is that the, yeah. Like social capital I think is what they…
[00:44:29] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:44:29] Matt Bailey: …what they call that you have, you have to build that and, and digitally there’s great equivalent yet.
[00:44:35] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes. Yes. You know, there’s time and place for Zoom meetings and virtual meetings, but I do believe the human contact is important because by design we are social creatures.
[00:44:46] Matt Bailey: Absolutely.
[00:44:47] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Whether you believe it or not.
[00:44:48] Matt Bailey: Absolutely. And, and to your point, I can tell a difference in my work style depending upon what I’m wearing that day. Um…
[00:44:58] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Right?
[00:44:58] Matt Bailey: Yeah, working from home and, and my wife was making fun of me the other day ’cause I put on sweats and she’s like, “Oh, easy day?” So, and like, “Yes, it is.”
[00:45:07] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It’s true.
[00:45:07] Matt Bailey: It is.
[00:45:07] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: It’s not different for the ladies. You know, and like, you know, that red, black dress, that power suit, that, you know, splash of lip color. Whatever it is, if I look like whatever, I probably will end up feeling like blah. Right?
[00:45:27] Matt Bailey: Right. Right. Yeah. It’s a, I think jeans and t-shirt for me has been like the absolute uniform. And lately I’ve been kind of seeing that this, this virtual stuff is going to keep going. So, maybe…
[00:45:41] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep.
[00:45:41] Matt Bailey: …we need to step it up because I think everyone has had, it’s been jeans and t-shirts, sweats, sweat…
[00:45:46] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah, sweats.
[00:45:47] Matt Bailey: …you know, and, and wow. It’s, it really does change your view. It changes how you approach things. And that makes a lot of sense what you’re saying. I, I know for me, I’ve got my own room and that’s work.
[00:46:03] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:46:03] Matt Bailey: And I’ve made it, so I enjoy being there, but that’s only part of it is, is dressing the part, I, I think has a lot to do with it. It, I, I’m glad you brought that up. That’s very important.
[00:46:14] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes, you are dressed the part.
[00:46:16] Matt Bailey: So, what are, what are some other advantages for employers or, or what are some things they can do to, and, and let me just ask this, what’s the benefits of an employer addressing not just productivity, but mental health in the workplace?
[00:46:32] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Oh, it’s huge. Yes, productivity, you bought a mine. You tend to morale improvement, efficiencies, transparencies, then we’re likely to open up in areas that you might not have known as the boss that you should know. And because the team as a, the herd is healthy, it’s easier to pick out the one that’s not. And especially if you have toxic dynamics, you know, at, you address the situation after, you know, making attempts, document it, you say bye-bye. Right?
It’s, you need, you just, you need to. And as the leader, when you make your mental health a priority, you can lead with strength and charisma and really get your team to be on board and buy-in. That is really important. So, modeling, because if you’re just sending emails, “Hey everybody, it’s Wellness Wednesday. How are you? Today we’re going to talk about doggy pose or whatever, shavasana, child’s pose, whatever. Do you know that this is so awesome? Have a nice day!” Next email, “Deadline, duh, duh, duh, duh.”
[00:47:43] Matt Bailey: Right.
[00:47:43] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Like, come on.
[00:47:47] Matt Bailey: Yep. Definite lip service to the…
[00:47:49] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:47:49] Matt Bailey: …mental health, being, wellbeing of your employees when you do it by email.
[00:47:54] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes. Yes. Exactly.
[00:47:57] Matt Bailey: That’s awesome. Oh, yeah. I, I, I, I’m laughing ’cause it’s, I think we all have been through that.
[00:48:03] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Of course.
[00:48:03] Matt Bailey: We’ve all been through that, that passing…
[00:48:06] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …like myself.
[00:48:08] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Well, it, is it any surprise this great resignation happened?
[00:48:13] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: No.
[00:48:13] Matt Bailey: I…
[00:48:14] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: As I said, the mental health crisis that will come out of this pandemic will be actually greater than the impact of COVID on, it’s just isolated.
[00:48:21] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:48:22] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:48:23] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:48:23] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I’m really seeing it.
[00:48:26] Matt Bailey: So, the warning signs are there, as well as the, the results are already showing up from, from all of this work from home and isolation.
[00:48:35] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:48:36] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:48:36] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Physical isolation, people are static. Right?
[00:48:41] Matt Bailey: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:48:43] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: People aren’t moving. Um, people aren’t interacting. People aren’t maybe doing their necessary checkups. It’s lots of things.
[00:48:50] Matt Bailey: Wow.
[00:48:50] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: All that affects your mental health.
[00:48:52] Matt Bailey: Yeah, well, it, was it just an article I read yesterday about how everything is up. Drug use is up. Alcoholism is up. Car wrecks are up.
[00:49:05] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Violence is another one.
[00:49:05] Matt Bailey: Domestic violence.
[00:49:06] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Child, child issues.
[00:49:08] Matt Bailey: People going insane on airplanes, stores, and, and the amount of people, you, you know, I, I feel like, you know, we’re going to make, we’re going to make this timely. So many people are talking about the Oscars slap, but…
[00:49:23] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:49:23] Matt Bailey: …but what about the people who are slapping employees? What…
[00:49:28] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Uh huh.
[00:49:28] Matt Bailey: …I mean, that should be, that’s a problem. That’s a huge problem. And, and it seems like this is becoming normalize-, I, I hope it’s not.
[00:49:37] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:49:37] Matt Bailey: But it’s evidence of, I, I think what you’re getting at is it’s evidence of where the socialization, maybe, isn’t…
[00:49:47] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Huge.
[00:49:47] Matt Bailey: …part of what it should be.
[00:49:49] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: No, it’s, it’s a reflection of society. That’s really what it is. Not thinking about a vacuum, it was just magnified over the past two years. It was really in society. No one created, it didn’t, COVID didn’t create somebody who was violent. It was already there, and there, and there’s many reason people are violent. Like, and tension built up and just trauma and just poor modeling, poor choices, alcohol use.
[00:50:00] But I mean, there’s reasons for reasons for reasons. Right? So, we are seeing the workforce, we’re seeing the effects of changes in society that happened decades ago. Now those people are now in management positions and are older. So, culture has changed.
[00:50:35] Matt Bailey: Yeah.
[00:50:37] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So, that’s the sad truth.
[00:50:39] Matt Bailey: Hm, wow. Wow. And without that socialization to keep things in check, we’re seeing things just go, go a little haywire there.
[00:50:49] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Things are going very haywire, but it, but there’s hope. We can address those issues typically on individual basis and people who are brave enough to really talk the truth without being censored. That’s also key too, but it starts in the home, in the sandbox, you know, teaching that culture, “Sharing is caring,” asking about your siblings when they do, you know, kids make sure they give each other a hug and like, “I’m so sorry.” Like, those little things, just checking in on the modeling those good behaviors, they’ll follow it when they get older.
And I’m seeing that in my next, my heart explodes sometimes. I’m like, “Oh my goodness. She’s like my mini-me.” She’s like, “Mommy, you know we shouldn’t drink that because it’s too much, sugar’s not good for you, right? Right? Mommy, we need to go exercise more. Right? Right? Mommy, slow down. It’s not good. Like, that person wasn’t very nice to that person, but, you know, we talked about it and you know.” Like, it’s just, it’s the modeling. That’s what’s lucky. It’s, it all boils down to families. Support systems. What’s going on there is, that’s just, what’s happening in the family is a reflection of what’s happening in society.
[00:52:06] Matt Bailey: Wow. Wow. That is a great, great point.
[00:52:09] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: So, society has, right? When last did they eat together on the dinner table? When last did they congregate together? When last have they done some, like, there’s many things, and that’s a, like, I love that topic.
[00:52:22] Matt Bailey: I could tell.
[00:52:23] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Surprised I didn’t use, yeah, I’m so passionate. And that’s the truth. People don’t like the truth. There’s the truth. Everyone is too busy and not able, a lot of people are too busy and they’re not raising their children where they need to be raised.
[00:52:39] Matt Bailey: Absolutely. I saw once a study and it really, I think it was just a simple thing, such as how many times a week do you have dinner together as a family?
[00:52:50] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:52:51] Matt Bailey: And then they took something as simple as that and showed, okay. Kids that grow up in that environment, here’s how they turn out. Kids that don’t, here’s how…
[00:53:00] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:53:01] Matt Bailey: And, and I thought that was a very interesting data point. It was just a…
[00:53:04] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:53:04] Matt Bailey: …family dinner time and…
[00:53:06] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:53:06] Matt Bailey: …what that does to probably…
[00:53:08] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yes.
[00:53:08] Matt Bailey: …not just kids, but to parents, as well…
[00:53:10] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:53:11] Matt Bailey: …that that is a completely overlooked because yeah, if you’ve got young kids, you’re running around constantly and it’s hard to make that happen.
[00:53:21] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. We just have to pencil it in and make it a priority. And if it can’t happen every day, then at least on weekends and one day during the week. Like, I don’t believe you should be in like five different activities, like kids. Like, no, pick 1 or 2, and just, shouldn’t be a part-time job.
[00:53:40] Matt Bailey: I’ve made that comment to one of my daughters. Yes. Yes.
[00:53:44] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Good. We’re on the same page.
[00:53:45] Matt Bailey: Absolutely. Tomi, this has been such a wonderful conversation. I have learned so much. This has been, uh, really, really good, and I, I hope, dear listener, that some of these things you’ve been able to take and apply and, and hopefully it, it, you know, raises maybe a flag or something that you can take some time and, and check out and, you know, make, give yourself a checkup because this is, uh, so vitally important. And like you said, Tomi, this is going to become more important over the next year, here.
What is something, I, I, I guess, can you give me a couple of things that you told me just now, you know, check in with the family, check in with the people closest with you, make time there. But from a mental health burnout standpoint, what are some things that I can apply right now? What are some of those things that I can start to integrate into my behavior…
[00:54:37] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:54:37] Matt Bailey: …to become more healthy?
[00:54:39] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: For sure. One of the things I like to do is encourage people to say no. When you’re, like, “No, thank you,” and, you know, “I really appreciate the offer to do the bake sale committee or whatever. But right now, you know, I have a lot on my plate, and I really want to prioritize my health and my family. But in the future, feel free to ask, but you know…” Do you know what I mean? Like, that’s just the, like the moms that ordered that, it’s that take on every project and then wonder why they don’t have time.
[00:55:11] Matt Bailey: Yes.
[00:55:11] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Or at the workplace. You know, you can tell your boss they give, you have a deadline. You’re like, “Okay, thank you. I appreciate it. However, right now I’m working on project ABC, and, you know, I’d like to give the best quality work, and I believe that taking this on will reduce that quality. So, if there’s a project that you, I can put on hold, so I can deal with this in said deadline, then please let me know. I really appreciate it, and that you take time to listen and work collaboratively.” I mean collaborative.
[00:55:40] Matt Bailey: Right.
[00:55:41] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I can’t even talk today. Collaborate. I’ve been do, I’ve been doing so much speaking this week. I, I really have. I’ve been like talking nonstop.
[00:55:53] Matt Bailey: Yeah. That’ll wear you out. There’s only so many words you can say in a week, so.
[00:55:56] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I know.
[00:55:57] Matt Bailey: Well, Tomi, this has just been such a wonderful conversation. If, if you could, where can people find you? And this is your chance. Pitch you…
[00:56:08] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah.
[00:56:09] Matt Bailey: …and what you do.
[00:56:10] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Doctor Tomi Mitchell, I’m on so many social medias platforms, website Holistic Wellness Strategies, holistic with an “H”, holisticwellnessstrategies.com. I’m very active on Insta, @mentalwellnesscoach_ and yeah, just search me. You’ll find me.
[00:56:29] Matt Bailey: Yep. Not hard. Go to the website, you can find just about anything you need there. You can, Dr. Mitchell, Tomi, you’ve got a, a podcast. You do…
[00:56:38] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yeah. I have a podcast.
[00:56:39] Matt Bailey: Yeah, you’ve got a podcast. You’ve got, uh, some frequent…
[00:56:42] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: LinkedIn, Clubhouse, Facebook, Instagram, all those points.
[00:56:45] Matt Bailey: Yeah. You’ve got seminars, you’ve got classes…
[00:56:48] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Yep.
[00:56:48] Matt Bailey: …you’ve got all kinds of things. So, I would tell you, if this is something, you know, I would tell anyone, don’t just wave it off because this is, this is vital for life, it’s vital for professional, social, as well as your family. And so, don’t write this off, and dear listener, thank you so much for tuning in on this session. Tomi, thank you again.
[00:57:14] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Thank you.
[00:57:14] Matt Bailey: This has been a wonderful conversation.
[00:57:17] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: …blast. Okay, thanks.
[00:57:19] Matt Bailey: Alright. Thanks again for tuning in to the End-, oh, you know what? I completely forgot to ask. Tomi…
[00:57:25] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: What is it?
[00:57:25] Matt Bailey: Are you a coffee drinker?
[00:57:27] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I do love coffee.
[00:57:28] Matt Bailey: What is your favorite coffee?
[00:57:32] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: Caramel macchiato. I’ll have a (?) sometimes. But I mean, I’ll double, as long as there’s double cream, double sugar, I’m good.
[00:57:39] Matt Bailey: Alright. That’s great. Oh man. Yeah, we, I, I’ve got that down. I’m like, “This is Endless Coffee Cup, I’ve got to ask you about your coffee.” Oh, is that the…
[00:57:51] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: I like it sweet. I, I’m, I’m, I have a sweet tooth for caramel.
[00:57:54] Matt Bailey: Is that, is that the drink your daughter tells you you shouldn’t be…?
[00:57:57] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: No. Actually, it’s soda.
[00:57:59] Matt Bailey: Oh.
[00:57:59] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: You know, that’s, yeah.
[00:58:01] Matt Bailey: Oh, okay. Alright.
[00:58:02] Dr. Tomi Mitchell: My kids just like water and milk. Like, and doesn’t eat chocolate.
[00:58:09] Matt Bailey: Well, that, that caramel macchiato, that’ll certainly give you a boost during the day. Alright. Well, thanks again. And thank you, dear listener, and I look forward to talking with you again on the next edition of the Endless Coffee Cup podcast.
[00:58:29] Bumper Intro-Outro: This podcast is heard along the Marketing Podcast Network. For more great marketing podcasts, visit marketingpodcasts.net.